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there is a room of men jamal, david and afzul. A: David - he rocked Goliath to sleep. 7. 33. Considering that there are a lot of dinner party scenes in Curb Your Enthusiasm, he really doesnt enjoy them. I see food and I eat it. ", "I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy. He won the 'no-bell' prize. Get a job, grouch.. ", "What did the ocean say to the beach?" Ysabella: Woohoo, okay yes. Once again, Larry doesnt mind mocking his Jewishness. 8. 41 of David Mitchell's funniest jokes and quotes They make up everything! ", 9. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. A ferret named Ferret Faucet. You know, whatever you want, some vanilla bulls**t latte, cappa thing. Don't panic. Because the 'P' is silent. See this thing? To be contienuded, What has one head, one foot and four legs? Let me tell you somethin if you dont like chicken and watermelon, something is wrong with you, there is something wrong with you! ""Oh okay." ", "What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? ", "What do you call a fake noodle? Everywhere. Sure, there are mom jokes and jokes for kids, but we just can't help but laugh at the one-liners from dear old dad. Anthony and Peyton. An elk named Elkton John. "I don't know, but the flag is a big plus. Braylon: Guys shut up!! ", "I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. Can I tell you something about apricots? Call in the cavalry (not to be confused with calvary), because you'll need help getting off the ground after chuckling through these puns about the Bible, puns about religion, and dad jokes about faith. There is a joke about three Jews who are about to be executed by firing squad. 34. ** I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!" Kingston: Yes! He wasn't Abel. Janiah: Why? Raymond: Will thats not bad but I DON'T LIKE PIZZA!!! Well, I'm not going to spread it! the principal asked. 41. Ysabella: Play games. I got an A! German Shepherds have got the thumbs up from Larry. Kenya: Hury up you ding dang nitwit! My mistake, No Starving David. A. Daily Joke: David went to a psychiatrist for worrying too much A: The thought had never entered his head before. register citizen police blotter 2021. police records request form; 1st special forces group command sergeant major; how to congratulate someone on an internship "When shit brings you down, just say 'fuck it', and eat yourself some motherfucking candy.". They're making headlines. ", "What kind of car does an egg drive?" They judge him right to his face. ", "I decided to sell my vacuum cleanerit was just gathering dust! Peyton: Sure that too and plus we're all bored right? "They're filled with common cents. "The arrrrrrk.". David Jokes - Joke Buddha "To the boat doc. ", "My dad told me a joke about boxing. I don't have a carbon footprint. The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. Its dismissive. ", "What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?" David: I couldn't walk for a year! ", "If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?" ", "Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? They're always up to something. 39. imagine getting a call and it says "welcome to Davids orphanage you make them we take them how may we help you. Is I dont know an acceptable answer? Thats a good question. As they pass St. Joseph's Cathedral they notice a sign posted on the front door. Anthony: Really? ", "A guy walks into a barand he was disqualified from the limbo contest. The 9-Percenter rule. Here I've done some work for you: 'The Youth in Asia', 'Jesus Shaves', and 'Giant Dreams Midget Abilities'. Doctor: Relax, David. Following is our collection of funny David jokes. 40. 6. 36. Okay now move Ken I got to work! 12 / 102. Sadly, this might be true. ", "Whats an astronauts favorite part of a computer? "Hold your horses," says Aaron. To curate to the needs and wants of over-60s online and get members a better deal wherever possible through the power of our huge online community. panics and runs into bathroom 4 minutes earlier. Rhode Island. Why didn't anyone want to fight Goliath? it was really quite awkward for his coworkers. The man returned walking awkwardly. David, a Jewish boy, and Ali, a Muslim boy, are having a conversation. "Computer chips. Funny jokes.. especially Goliath ones! | Christian Forums Peyton: How do you say "Hello, how are you" in spanish? Im waiting for Chicken to approach me to do a commercial n*gga, Ill do it for free Chicken! 10. Why did a person buy an object they didn't want for 1 and throw it away a few minutes later? I teared up, after all these years she still doesn't know my name is David. I'll let you know", "Do you wanna box for your leftovers?" Jacob , Nariyah, Dallas, Isaiah ,Dylan , E'Mya, Kimbriel were LATE aswell as the TARDYS. Can you solve it? The funniest jokes in maths ", "Don't trust atoms. ", "What did one hat say to the other?" "Pilgrims. Andre: I'm asking her how old she is. But in other cases because that's not Jewish behavior. ", "I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. Johnny, be honest. ", "What do you get from a pampered cow? Paddy asks when he sees the look on Sheamus's face. Peyton: Wow, way to show off. "He neverlands. You think normal dad jokes are groan-worthy? Honey if I give you 300 dollars will you stop being blind? He would always tell this joke. 14. Well, here you have somebody who not only doesn't want you doesn't even acknowledge your right to exist, wants your destruction! Q. Ji'Kyece: Me, 45. They got this one character named Oscar. What does the Episcopal Church say before a big gathering? They seem kind of shady. Thats the answer we did this in class and turned all our work in so yall know yeah, end of the story. We've got 45 clean Christian jokes that will be sure to make your sides split (like the Red Sea!). What was Moses' wife, Zipphora, known as when she'd throw dinner parties? 7. 18. Isaiah: Guys stop! Chris: Oh no, is that Bono over there with them? jokes with david in them. $11.56 6 Used from $11.55. "If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.". I love this dog, it's not very often you get the chance to be affectionate to something German.. Ysabella: Will we can play games since thats all we have! A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Jewish Jokes: A Clever Kosher Compilation: A Clever Kosher Compilation 43. Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and answered,"Jesus Christ." ". How did Jacob cheer on his grandson? How do you know Pharaoh was athletic? The climate in the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. How do you know that atoms are Catholic? Kenya: Why this idiot? This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. Sure, said the bartender. I have a joke about hunting for fossils, but you probably wouldn . The language you are about to hearis disturbing. Mariah: Andre? Oliver: True that. Not that thats a bad thing but why WHY WOULD WE WANT TO LEARN SPANISH?! ", "Which state has the most streets? Comedians Reveal Jokes They'd Like to Steal - Vulture I'm serious for safety, cuz, when the sh*t goes down, someone is gonna need to talk to the police. ", "What do you call a belt made of watches?" Although transphobia in stand-up comedy is certainly not a new phenomenon, it has become increasingly mainstream over the last several years thanks in large part to two industry powerhouses: Dave Chappelle and Ricky Gervais. "You don't worry about anything anymore!". Holy scriptures should be taken very seriously as well as any faith in general. Sooo KNOCK IT OFF!! Peyton: SHUT IT!!! ", "How does a penguin build its house? Cornelese :O SHUT UP JOVANI!!!! (For that, you can watch the bits from Gronk and Pedroia on Facebook .) Turning anything into whine. 2 hours later. Low percentage fruit is definitely a term you should be adding to your vocabulary. 2. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. We consider ourselves to be a group.". Really good. Worst Jokes Ever. Wife- seriously David What did Jonah's family say when he told them about what happened before reaching Nineveh? ", "Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? You must always say "I am." Everyone cheers!!! Dave Chappelle's Netflix Specials: The Best Jokes - Vulture Kenya: Okay what are we doi Braylon: And this is not Important!? Oliver: Cool. Now aged 74, David is for many a hero in the world of comedy and beyond. Peyton: Yes thanks! I said, it was just what the Doctor ordered. Because then it would be a foot. Doctor: I know that's my name. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! "The hostess with the Moses.". Tent out of tent. Oh for science. Q: How many letters are in The Alphabet? Kenya: What? Navaya: Shush! Kenya: Peyton, guys RED LIPSTICK!! jokes with david in them. 118 Dumb And Stupid Jokes That Are Actually Funny! - Jokes Quotes Factory Ysabella: Sweetie this is Math and Science class! Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols, in this order of appearance: A woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David. Kenya: Here it states "No kids shall use bad words also known as profanity in the school halls and inside the classrooom". What did Zachariah do when he and Elizabeth had disagreements? It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I dont have to shake hands.. A woman goes to the fortune teller, who tells her, "Two men want to marry me. 17. ", "What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?" The highs of Dave Chappelle's two new Netflix specials The Age of Spin and Deep in the Heart of Texas are just so high that . Just call me Hoff, he replied. !," exclaims David. Isaiah: I know right. ", "Where do young trees go to learn?" Ysabella: Gracias. Ysabella: It should be time for Ms.Sumrall and Mrs.Lewis to get back from their stupid Teacher Trip! ", "Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Peyton: Idc. 24. 100+ best jokes to share with coworkers | Culture Amp "It could be a scam, tell you what, I will go and do it, we'll see if this deal is real." Peyton: Anyway the boss said that she wants us to do social studies. jokes with david in them - digitalexpertzone.com Navaya: Yeah go ysa! ", Three men - Bob, Joe, and David - are bragging about their families. The landmark late-night program debuted 25 years ago on August 30, 1993. Congratulations!" ", "What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?" Samsonhe brought the house down. 45 Funny, Clean Christian Jokes You Could Tell in Church - Parade 5. "I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation.". Ysabella: Shush. Laura: Yeah!!! 1 hour later. 541. Dylan: oooooooo.oooooooo.ooooo!!! I'm going on ahead. Patient: My name is not David. A mugging. Orphan jokes. 14. ", "Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?" "Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. What did the family members say when asked who would say grace? Im sick of hearing about how bad it is, its great! Kenya and Kingston: WE GOT IT!!! [Original Author: Richard Lederer, St Paul's School] One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. 4. 7. I was born on St David's Day, so my parents called me David! Congratulations!" As the teacher was handing over the cash he said,"You know David, I'm surprised you said Jesus Christ." 12. ", "How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Not the other classes. Even more so when I remembered that David Bowie died too. The language you are about to hearis disturbing. Then a French boy raised his hand and said,"Napoleon." David: Will in contrast Mrs.Lewis and Ms.Sumrall have not returned from their so-one calls it "Vacation" so they put Peyton in charge of us since their is no substitute! "Prime mates. He took 2 tablets. Kingston: She on what? Two Jews are taking an afternoon stroll. The Egyptians built the pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. ", "What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Peyton: Then act like it! 114 Bible Jokes That'll Lift Your Spirits | Bored Panda David: Well then. A rabbit named Hoptimus Prime. "Sofishticated. A: There are 11 letters in The Alphabet, Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? My grief counselor died the other day. "What a great deal, we can just convert back after!" Janiah: No! Just cuz I eat Chicken and Watermelon they think that somethings wrong with me. He asked the butcher for a steak. I don't like talking to people I know, but strangers I have no problem with.. All the class raised their hands. The Ultimate Book of Jewish Jokes. 30. Andre: Yes, thank you Ysabella you are now at the top of my friend list! 8. Oliver: I don't, so thanks King thanks! ?," asks David. Jessica: Thanks? Ysabe: IDC what does that mean? We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. A hyena named Hyena Bonham Carter. Kingston: Wrong! Jokes. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, thats gonna work. Leaving me in charge of the dumb class!!!! I guess I missed the punch line. imagine getting a call and it says "welcome to Davids orphanage you make them we take them how may we help you. aka BORING!!!! 15 if her dad's in the room. Yes, we've brought the British way of life to them all right. jokes with david in them - cabottrailadventures.ca David Sedaris Quotes (Author of Me Talk Pretty One Day) - Goodreads Mariah: Why? In this article were gonna showcase Dave Chappelles comedic superpower. ", "Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? 2. Kenya: Good job! ", "I used to hate facial hairbut then it grew on me. **CONVERT TO CATHOLICISM ", "What time did the man go to the dentist? It's important to have a good vocabulary. ", "Why is Peter Pan always flying?" Joke David | Etsy But I meant that as a sarcastic type of way! "Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.". Peyton: Yes!!! Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the . How do pastors like their orange juice? We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. I just bought a bag of weed from an infant. Oliver: Okay ready. "What happened?". So he turned to him and asked, "What's your story then, Pancake?". ", "Why didn't the skeleton climb the mountain?" "$50! Rowling. Why dont you click your heels three times and go back to Africa. An impasta. RIP, boiling water. The doctor advised him to put on a clean pair of socks each day for a week and then come back. ", "What do you call a pony with a sore throat?" Read More 20+ Best Nick Jonas Memes (2023)Continue, Read More Chris Brown No Guidance Lyrics [Video] Background & FactsContinue, Read More 10+ Best Eddie Murphy Memes (2023) [Funniest Collection]Continue, Read More 10+ Lil Tecca Memes (2023) | Funniest CollectionContinue, Read More 20+ Best Tyga Jokes [FUNNIEST COLLECTION] 2023Continue, Read More Master P Astrology Birth Chart, Horoscope [Visual Guide]Continue. Ysabella: Your on level 90,890,9795, 4839,86903,6960,6 9506.996 WOOOOOOOOW!!! Im definitely stressed out. We've been graced with our fair share of "dad" jokes, so-bad-they're-good puns, knock . Was a writer on the 1970s comedy series Good Times (1974), as was his current late night talk show competitor Jay Leno. Not only will the lighthearted Christian quips provide smiles before Bible study, they'll have you passing the peace and passing the jokes to others at church! After hed been working with the specialist for a few months, Davids friend John noticed a change. What's a believer's favorite fruit? 19. Why did Adam and Eve do math every day? ", "Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers. ", "What does a sprinter eat before a race?" 31 Best Irish Jokes That Exist (2023) - The Irish Road Trip ", "How did Harry Potter get down the hill?" Seeing that he was in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, the lady yelled "Stop! Casey Wilson is loving life as a mom of three. Never mindit's tearable. Patient: "Finally someone who understands me ". Duh I'm not an idiot. Dont wear sunglasses indoors around Larry. ", "Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? Oliver: Kenya that is mean but true at the same time. A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey and cola.". Doctor: Relax, David. Doctor: Relax David, it's just a small surgery. Where are your shoes? the doctor asked. St. Peter: Well, right over there are Janis, Jimi, Kurt, Prince, and David Bowie for starters. "You're really gonna make me to tell the entire class that my dad is a banker?! It's a total rip-off. An employee is told that the customer's always right and, in fact, the customer is usually a moron and an a**hole.. Like. ", "How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh?" Now, listen, we cant have that sh*t in the White House. jokes with david in them - dandolelavuelta.net jokes with david in them - balunpictures.com A jellyfish named Jelly Clarkson. An alpaca named Alpacachino. 'I haven't been feeling myself lately', Sheamus replied. You'll have the kids cracking up (and maybe rolling their eyes) at this list of the best dad jokes and puns. 20. Mike asks, "wait a minute, why Detroit?" The other will be for the men who were dominated by their wives.". and ordered a drink. Ali: I'm getting operated on tomorrow. You know the drill. ", "What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? ", "Mountains aren't just funny. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. "Yeah, in my heart I knew it was Moses. Why couldn't the Israelites initially enter the Promised Land? So. Peyton: Okay guys no talking about dumb and stupid things that are not important. 3. 18. They treat this guy like sh*t in the entire show. David Sedaris Jokes Best David Sedaris Quotes to Use 20. My work uses punny names for all its example scenarios. I got so excited I wet my plants. Well obviously. Raymond: Uh tacos. I know that's not what your dad does!" In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an more One day 7 year old David and his parents decided to go to the park with Grandma Jane. Larrys friends arent exactly clambering to talk to him, shall we say. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. Geez. A sheep named Meryl Sheep. Discipleship and worship. A pig named Peter Porker. ", "I used to be a personal trainer. 2 hours later. Peyton: What else? Kenya: Hurry!!! Peyton rolls her eyes at Aniyah. Yet, living by the holy word does not mean one isn't allowed to have some good old-fashioned clean fun! Its a pleasure to serve you, Mr Hasselhoff, said the bartender. ", "What did the zero say to the eight?" "I'm trying to elevate small talk to medium talk.". David: Oh? David: I had that done when I was just a few days old. Jazzlyn: What are you guys so pissed off about? 17. Note to self never ask Larry David to do anything too taxing. Sign up to our new free Indy100 weekly newsletter. ", "Dad, can you put my shoes on?" Kingston: Hola, duh everyone knows that! \- Ben (28) holds his mask to his face ", "I'm on a seafood diet. In . We were looking for some help from Reddit. Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg. and each student had to write about their dad's profession. Time flies like an arrow. A man consulted a foot doctor for his overly smelly feet. A goat named Selena Goatmez My favorite was the No. How many women do you know named David? I dont like letting my friends drive drunk, but I was smoking a joint I really couldnt say sh*t to the guy. E'mya: He has a point Isaiah! 15. Kingston: MOVE!!! ", "How does the moon cut his hair?" CNN's Jake Tapper confronted comic and pundit Bill Maher with fellow comic David Cross's comments slamming anti-trans humor, but Maher defended the material by claiming "the trans community . ", "I like telling Dad jokes. But, you cant help but love him for it as he says the things that many of us wish we could say, but never completely steps over the line of what is acceptable. David: Oh right. Then it's a soap opera. 'Me Talk Pretty One Day'. ", "What does garlic do when it gets hot?" Oliver: Noice. ", "How do you make 7 even?" Jarryd and Ethan walk in. The following statements about the Bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., bad spelling has been left in. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate. Kenya: Good, byeeee! 3. It's impossible to put down! A bear named Teddy Mercury. Ysabella: Hola, como estas? David Mitchell: "I'm sorry, I'm not going to dance. ", A guy and his girl just finished making love. Andre: Then act like you know things. A ram named Gordon RAMsey. Teacher: David, give me a sentence starting with "I." 21 Hilarious David Name Puns - Punstoppable A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.. ", "Why do bees have sticky hair? Andre: Shush. Save that for if its really important! Top 35 Tasteless Jokes That Make You Laugh - PsyCat Games 114 Bible Jokes That'll Lift Your Spirits. A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle). Alexis: Wow!!! Navaya: Oliver, Mariah, Kenya! We have been working all morning from 5:00 a.m to this o clock a.m! Ysabella: Yes, answer that question! Balaam. - David Spade profile quotes. Hairline jokes. A cat named Captain Ameowrica. Famous Amos. Comedian Dave Chappelle and Maryland democratic gubernatorial candidate Ben Jealous discuss the political divide in the US since President Trump was elected . Travelling, hitchhiking, occasionally rhyming, squirting during sunsets. "Grace.". I'm not sure if things will improve to that degree, but you never know, There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. I am David. jokes with david in them. ", "Dad, can you put the cat out?" David Hasselhoff has officially changed his name to "David Hoff". It's a faux pa.", "What do you call a hot dog on wheels?" When he came home, his wife had some bad news. They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least three thousand years old. 31. Peyton: SHUSH!!! I break world records running from challenges.. 28. It's either you're not in touch with reality or you just don't care! It wasn't the Pinky Promised Land. Thats a hate crime. Jovani: HURRY Up DUDE!! New white people, you cant scare these white people, I tried. Hehehehehe. With him is another extremely ugly man. Alexis: WHAT!? The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.". It's okay, he woke up. "That belt looks good on you. Patient: But Doctor, my name is not David. Stephen Fry: "There is only one absolutely surefire medical way of stopping hiccups, and that is". A parking Lot. 10. 17. Navaya: Did you do all your work Miss.Hickman? ", "It's inappropriate to make a 'dad joke' if you're not a dad. "Fast food! jokes with david in them - snenmx.org ", "How do you make a Kleenex dance? Yes, he charges $3,000 a month, David said sheepishly. jokes with david in them. ", "I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it. It teaches kids how to judge people and label people. 20+ Best Dave Chappelle Jokes 2023 [FUNNIEST COLLECTION] - BounceMojo Igloos it together. tags: humor. Tre'von: You said the P word! 21. I have a joke about time travel, but you guys didn't get it. It sounds pretty sweet. 16. It's a mezuzah. A duck named Ducktor Doom. Are you looking for stupid jokes to cheer someone up? They were told to be fruitful and multiply. "A little hoarse. He sat on the throne for 40 years.. ", "My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. 6. Not only was he the co-creator of Seinfeld he also gave the world Curb Your Enthusiasm, which are two of the undisputed best sitcoms ever and are both essentially about nothing other than the monotony of life and the awkward conflicts we often find ourselves in. ", "I made a pencil with two erasers. - Steve Martin. 15. "Do you have a stutter?" Kingston: SuRe is! "We Noah guy.". Because they use a honeycomb. Destroying Comedy - David Zucker, Commentary Magazine Stupidity is always funny! I run from challenges. I was sittin there with my nephew. Larry doesnt take kindly to the weathermans forecast. Below are 20 of Dave Chappelle Jokes, the finest all jokes hes used in his shows. How did Paul greet his friend? 6. Put a little boogie in it! ", "Where do math teachers go on vacation?" Was it a scam? The principal asked his student. Curb Your Enthusiasm: 20 of Larry David's funniest ever quotes - indy100 If they were "serious people" they would work towards acquiring thingseven love, or peace of mind. They were having a great time running and playing together. Every time I told them people laugh, no matter age or condition. 'Six to Eight Black Men'. But religion, and the beliefs that accompany it, can also lend itself to good, clean humor. Nariyah: Totally not funny peyt. Fine I'll fix it! "Do you, Linda, take David the optometrist for better or worse. Kenya: Yeah right here. Jarod came in the classroom. Kenya: How do you say "This is stupid" in spanish oh wait "Esto es estupido" trust me I looked it up!! So, to celebrate the start of Curb Your Enthusiasm season 11, here are 20 of his greatest quotes from the long-running HBO series. Good One: A Podcast About Jokes on Apple Podcasts ", "What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?" Navaya: No thanks. Aaron goes into the cathedral and David waits outside. David says, "I know, but there isn't just one, **there are hundreds! A heron named Charlize Heron. David Cameron has said Scotland could become a third world country if they become independent. What did Adam say when he was asked his favorite holiday? A student visits the principals office one day and the principal says to him, Whats your name, son? He replies, D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir. The principal looks up and asks him, Oh, do you have a stutter?. How are toddlers and those who attempted to build a tower to Heaven similar? He said nothing. 1. Why Ysa so close to her winning streak of reaching 900.138.902 milion billion points and levels on Interland!!